Starting Over

As I slid out of bed Tuesday morning to start my workday, I heard a very small voice say, “Start Over”; and I smiled slightly because I knew, that voice was the start of something great!

I asked my friends a question that I will now ask you: If you had a choice to start over, or hit the reset button right where you are-would you? And what advice would you give yourself or to another that desires to start over? Their responses are at the end of this post.

There are a few things that I am certain about, and right now in this moment, it is that…. Starting over can be beautiful

You may choose at any time or point in your life that you want, or desire to start over.

In my ++ years of living, there are a few items that are essential to starting over, rules if you will. The rules are crucial for you to grab hold of,  and commit to memory. Are you ready? If, not, then get ready. Go get your favorite cup with your favorite coffee or tea, snuggle into your quiet place where you ponder all manner of things. This is important! Let’s go……….

Now that you are ready, take a breath. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Slowly breath out. One last time. Inhale deeply and slowly. Now slowly..gently…breath out…..let’s start over…..

First, you need to give yourself permission to start over. No need to consult friends, or partners, or even your children. The time you are about to take in your journey of starting over is for you. This is for you to construct, deconstruct, engage, disengage the many components that makes your life your life. To reimagine a life you deem worthy of living, and putting those pieces into place. Slowly. Methodically. Strategically building the life you want. To engage or pull others into your journey before you start, is to ask for them for permission. The emphasis is on “your journey”. The commentary that they provide, may only serve to delay or derail your progress-based on whether or not this is a good time in their life for you to start something new. Take the step for you. Start for you. Say yes for you. Discover you for you. You will find no better person to invest in than yourself. This step, and the next steps that follow to your starting over belongs solely to the person who will get the most out of your decision to starting over. YOU!  So, don’t dwell on yesterday, or even today. Accept what is right now before you- grace & mercy. Your do over, starts now.

Next, let’s talk about the requirements for starting over. You’ve been in this place before; even then, some things were a little different. Now in this moment, there is additional weight.  The weight of the hurt, the weight of disappointment, the weight of complacency, of comparison, and let’s not forget the weight of waiting. And for some of us, there is the physical weight.

The physical weight gained is also a physical representation of all the weights aforementioned.   

Here is the thing, the weight only gets weightier, or heavier…

·      The weight of the hurt, not only does it get heavier, but the unattended pain only goes deeper

·      The weight of the disappointment, only turns to resentment

·      The weight of the comparison, only leads to you looking outside of who you are, delaying your realization that you are more than enough right where you are

·      The weight of complacency only leads to contempt of changing- being stuck or not knowing how to take a step in a any direction. You won’t know, until you take a step, any step.

·      The weight of waiting. My friend, I am learning that there is something called waiting well. I read in an article some time ago, that we spend the majority of our lives waiting on something, or for something. Waiting in line. Waiting on hold. Waiting for this or waiting for that to happen. Waiting. Instead of idly waiting by with twittling thumbs, what if we waited well by sharpening our communication skills, showing yourself friendly by engaging with those around you to have Godly relationships, or engage with God through His word to go deeper for the sake of relationship with Him.

The physical weight is burdensome. From the pandemic, to surgeries, and life lifing, I have gained weight. I am also uncomfortable. If you are also like me, then you know that those salted chocolate chip cookies that you love, do not love you back- or not in a way that is conducive to your goals. They go all in the wrong places, and they have the nerve to stay, and rest. Well, Sis, I have gained the weight, and this is not a good feeling. The weight of the weight plays on my mental health and self-esteem. I was beginning to see myself different. I no longer saw myself as attractive or beautiful. I questioned just about everything I put on or hesitated to buy something new. My mind was stuck in a body or image I no longer had, or better yet, a person I no longer was.

There were/are decisions that need to be made.

*Do I want to lose the weight? Yes

*If I lost the weight I wanted to lose, do I go back to being that person I was at that weight? No. I’m older, wiser, and slimmer- choosing different.

Yes/No. Yes I wanted to lose the weight, but I was not bound to become, shrink or revert back to a version of myself that is no longer useful for the journey ahead. The woman I desire to become.

Or better yet, the woman God desires for me to become. 

Well you ask, when do I start over, you ask? Quite frankly, the time is always right now. This very moment. You don’t have to drop everything and immerse yourself wholly and completely. That type of change is not sustainable in terms of longevity. Start now, and start slow. Make slow and deliberate changes. I am currently listening to the book, “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. In the book the author talks about the power of making small changes over the course of time that when added up, can make a powerful noticeable change. And this is what you want. For me myself, that means switching out my 2 cups of lemonade ice tea everyday, and replacing them with water to increase my intake. It means adding strength training to my workout regime, and removing cardio- due to being a woman of a certain age, and having to focus on bone and muscle health.

Small changes can bring or make huge & lasting impacts!!!

Last, and definitely not least, the rules to starting over…..be consistent in your changes. Slow and steady wins your beautiful race!

Be consistent in loving yourself

Be consistent in showing up for yourself

Be consistent in showing up in your health

Be consistent in advocating for yourself

Be consistent in pursuing the version of yourself that benefits you and those connected to you

Be consistent Sis!

You get to start over every day. Not go back in time to 1983 and make the choice to not wear that one outfit, do that one thing. You get to do even better. You get to extend grace and mercy, as well as receive grace and mercy to make the choices that will allow you to start over

Be more loving to yourself

Be gentler with yourself

Make healthier choices (mentally &physically)

Become a world traveler

Go back to school. Get the certification. Get the degree.

Start the business.

Have more healthier friendships

Read and learn God’s Word

Grow in your faith

Take the step…and watch Him work

Do not allow the weight of the wait to become a weight. Wait well Sis

I have made the choice to start over; this time with only one goal or thought in my heart…..enjoy the journey-highs, lows, tears, getting over the  fears, taking the small steps and the leaps

Start Over!

  My Friend’s Responses to the question posed: If you had a choice to start over, or hit the reset button right where you are-would you? And what advice would you give yourself or to another that desires to start over?

Reset, a fresh start…let’s see

There are a few things I’d do differently. However, three are the cream rising to the top.

First, I would not outsource my romantic life and goals to a man. There were times when I gave decisions about my love life over to a man. I needed to be led in my life when it came to married, family or just having a life partner, including my current relationship (a story for another time). Instead of expressing my goals and wishes knowing the kind of life I wanted, I was passive and a spectator in my own life. If I did a reset at 30, I’d learn to love myself deeper and invest in getting to know the woman I wanted to be.

Second, I'd take more risks & chances. Fear held me hostage. I was a scaredy-cat of more than scary movies, I was scared to ▪︎I didn’t move out of the country twice (the Peace Corp & Jamaica). ▪︎I didn’t try comedy or even acting. ▪︎I didn't take my weekly rants of the "Chrisseydawn Hump Day Logic" emails and transition them into a blog. ▪︎I didn't write the book that lives in my head for over 2 decades.If I did a reset, I would do some or all completely afraid, letting the chips fall however they were going to fall.

And last and perhaps the most important, I would take my relationship with Christ more seriously. That's another part of my life. I was passive or, as the bible says "lukewarm". I missed the "on fire for Jesus" stage of my walk. I misunderstood the Holy Spirit's leading in my life leading and in part led to adverse events that could have been avoided. I sort of got a reset when I moved to Charlotte. (The first time I was not passive and did it afraid) That's when began reading the Bible for myself (stop listening to others interpretations) and my life has been exponentially changed and moves like a Rollercoaster. I'm still on the ride holding tight and still learning and often still afraid. - Crystal Dawn Murphy

When it comes to being a better steward of my finances, I would most definitely hit the reset button. Hard to believe that I’m quickly approaching retirement age (God’s will), but man, I have regrets! On the other hand, no need in crying over spilled milk, so I could be FAFO’d…😂. But I did enjoy the ride!- S. Butts

You already know I would hit the reset and have my daughter here with me. I never thought that she would die before me because that is not the natural order of things. With that being said with the reset I would be more inclined to be more engaging with her in her adult life. I mean we were close and all but there probably were some conversations that we should have had that we didn’t. Not having Cheryl here with me now and missing out on some valuable opportunities has lead me to Believe that God gave me a second chance with Calen. Because I can reflect on what I didn’t do with Cheryl and try to make those adjustments with Calen. There is not anything that we don’t talk about from A to Z. Once Cheryl was a mother and on her own, her life was hers to handle. Memories were made but I know I missed some opportunities too. – L. Halsey

Looking back…love me more not who’s loving me, be patient, kind, compassionate with ME. TRUST GOD more and know that everything is already alright. I don’t have to try to figure it all out. I would tell myself to BREATHE….. just BREATHE. - T. Berthoud

The Reset: I would love myself more and not use other's beauty barometer as my own. My self image would not have been defined by my physical, economic and cultural surroundings. I would be more mindful of the power of love and falling in love; the effects, the impact, and the concessions. I would have a different relationship with money and making money. I would not let what I see with my natural eyes deter me from my spiritual destiny and God's calling. I would travel more instead of wishing to travel more. I would chase my passions instead of burying them. - V. Calloway

I would have loved to have learn the word “Self-Love” at about the age of 16 to 17. My choices regarding relationships with myself, and others would unapologetically look different. To not just read God’s WORD but to study it and apply it to my life.  To not live in or hold on to fear. Take faith leaps with reckless abandonments. - Meleakia Spearing